Introduction

Pain.

In English, we have only one word for pain. The English word “pain” encompasses all kinds of pain, including physical, emotional, and mental anguish. Physical pain is certainly a serious issue today; people commonly struggle with the pain of conditions like arthritis, fibromyalgia, bad backs, bad knees, and migraines. Even medical treatments can cause pain—like the pain and fatigue associated with chemotherapy and physical rehab after an injury.

But for most people, the physical pain we struggle with pales in comparison to the mental and emotional pain we deal with: Divorce, Abusive childhood, Cheating spouses, Backstabbing friends, and toxic family relationships. Jobs lost and kids gone astray, addictions and loneliness. Then there’s the pain of regret: Guilt. Pain over bad decisions and lost opportunities. Everywhere you go, people are in pain.

When you’re in pain, getting out of it, or at least numbing it for a while, is all you can think about. But it’s important to realize that anytime you’re running away from something, you are also running to something. That’s what this book is about.

Where do you run to get away from your pain?

The message that follows in the pages ahead was born in May of 2017 during my personal prayer time. When the Lord first spoke to me about developing a teaching series on the subject

“Painkillers,” I immediately thought what most people think: drugs. Our society is facing the worst drug epidemic in history. Deaths from drug overdoses are up 19 percent in a single year, with deaths from heroin and fentanyl leading the way. The situation is so bad that our government has declared a national public-health emergency.

However, not all people run to substance abuse to escape their pain. There are other things people use to escape their pain, which can be just as devastating. The Lord revealed to me a number of unhealthy ways in which people try to cope with their pain. Some people escape into isolation. Others run to inappropriate relationships. Still more try to hide in their own spirit of independence. I identified seven different unhealthy painkillers people use to cope with pain.

While I was developing this series of messages, I spoke to many people about these seven painkillers. Most people told me they had used most or all these unhealthy coping mechanisms at one time or another. No one has yet said they’ve never used one of these to deal with hurt and heartache in his or her life.

It’s important to understand that these painkillers are just substitutes. They will never fix your pain; they can only make you think for a while that you’re coping with it. In time, these unhealthy painkillers cause you even more pain than whatever hurt and heartache drove you there in the first place.

We will discuss how people get sucked into these unhealthy painkillers and how those pitfalls

become strongholds in their lives. We’ll talk about the dangers of these unhealthy painkillers, but most importantly, we will talk about God’s way of getting us out!

What I want to convey to you is that there is no magic cure for your pain. I don’t have a 12-step program or some simplistic A, B, C method to follow for dealing with your pain. I won’t tell you, “I understand,” because I have never walked through your personal heartache. I can’t tell you I know how you feel after losing a child or going through a divorce or having your best friend stab you in the back—those are your pains, and no one else can truly feel that hurt except you. I won’t tell you the answer is “Go to church” or “Read your Bible,” because many of you have already tried that yet your pain remains. Healing deep emotional pain just isn’t that simple or easy.

What I can tell you is that God loves you. He hasn’t forgotten you. From the moment the universe was founded and set into motion, He had both a way to get you through your pain and a way to get you away from your unhealthy reactions to pain. Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you.” Whether you’re struggling with the loneliness of isolation, the devastation of chemical dependency, or the anguish of insecurity—Jesus is not just a painkiller. He’s your Pain Taker.

So thank you for joining me in this journey. I pray that it touches your life in a powerful and meaningful way, as it has already for so many in our congregation at Eden Westside Baptist Church.

*All scripture references are from the New King James version, unless otherwise noted.

I. Isolation

At age thirty-two, Annie had a large family and what she believed to be a strong support system. Suddenly, things started to unravel, quickly and relentlessly. Following the death of her beloved grandparents, Annie went through a divorce, leaving her to raise two children alone. When things got rough financially, her mother abandoned her, telling the family lies and destroying those relationships. After her father was charged with sex crimes against another family member, splitting the family apart even further, Annie essentially lost that side of her family as well.

Annie attempted to find another relationship to replace the void left by her destroyed marriage, but when that didn’t work out, she simply decided it was better to just be alone. She moved her children to a new place, avoiding church or any other social activities, even being a part of her kids’ school lives.

Isolated and alone, Annie replaced healthy social interaction with negative self-talk: “Nobody loves me. I’m all alone. Nobody wants me or ever could want me. Everybody hates me.” In this loneliness, worthlessness, and depression, it was all too easy for Satan to lead Annie into deeper problems, like alcohol abuse.

What is isolation? In a word, isolation is separation. You seek to separate yourself from others. When you’re experiencing pain, there’s a natural tendency to want to withdraw. You want to run away to a dark corner by yourself or curl up under the covers and hide. You’re done crying, finished trying to explain how you feel, and just can’t stand being around people. No one gets it, anyway. You’re tired of hearing how you should “snap out of it,” or, “get a grip,” and you’re sick of being told, “It’ll get better.” You tell yourself, “If I could just be by myself and get away from it all, this pain will go away.”

There’s a big difference between the Painkiller of Isolation and the normal act of being alone. Jesus himself went away from others to be alone sometimes. He often wanted to be alone to pray and fast, and a certain amount of time alone is normal, healthy, and positive. The difference between the Painkiller of Isolation and ordinary “alone time” is that your "alone time" has a definite beginning and ending. It allows you to rest and recharge your mind and spirit, and gives you that essential one-on-one time with God.

The Start of Isolation

In contrast, isolation becomes a prison. You feel that nobody cares. You’re living in your own private hell. In order to escape your pain, you just get away from everything and everyone. You can even be isolated when you’re surrounded by people. Many folks are there physically, but they’ve completely checked out mentally. Surrounded by their family, friends, coworkers, or church members, they have mentally and emotionally imprisoned themselves, refusing to share their burdens anymore because of the pain.

People are created for social interaction from the very beginning. Genesis 1 recounts the story of the Creation, explaining how God first created a habitat for humankind and the animals and then created all other living things. Everything He created He said was good, except that man was alone—there was no suitable companion found for him among the rest of creation. God put the man, Adam, to sleep, and removed one of his ribs, using it to create woman.

Genesis 1:27–28 says as follows:

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Here, God establishes the concept of community, family, and social interaction among people.

Community enhances our life and protects us. Conversely, isolation is a form of bondage and imprisonment. We have a culture of isolation today. From withdrawing into the Internet and social media to isolating ourselves using headphones to drown out those around us, we can easily withdraw into physical, emotional, or psychological isolation, even when surrounded by other people.

People, even imperfect and sometimes annoying people, serve a crucial purpose in our lives. God uses people to speak wisdom and perspective into our lives. As the saying goes, “Everyone on earth knows something you don’t.” That means you can literally learn something from every other person on earth!

This sense of community is especially important when we are in pain. When you are tired, broken, or emotionally weak, others are there to lift you up, encourage you, and give you a reason to carry on. But when you’re in pain, that is also the hardest time to reach out to others, even though that’s when you need others the most.

Our natural inclination is to say to ourselves, “I don’t want to tell anyone what’s going on or how I feel. They won’t understand. They’ll judge me.” This becomes isolation, and that isolation keeps you lonely, doubting yourself, and dubious of others—right where Satan wants you to be and God doesn’t want you to be.

Isolation starts with some painful event that damages your relationship with God, your spouse, your family, or anyone else in your life. Relationships are the natural cure for isolation, but when healthy relationships are absent or get messed up, you withdraw (either physically or emotionally or both and isolate yourself.

Isolation begins slowly. The painful event is the trigger that allows the enemy to come in and separate you from your natural support network. Satan convinces you that your normal, natural community of fellow human beings is actually the source and cause of your pain. This process of separation leads you into the darkness of isolation. People don’t usually realize it’s happening, because it creeps up on you. Slowly, the hurt causes you to withdraw into a place of self- imprisonment.

God has a purpose for your life. That purpose depends on your healthy relationships with God, with your spouse, with your family, and with others. When any of these relationships are lacking or become distorted or perverted, isolation sets in.

You don’t have to live in isolation! God created you for healthy, supportive, meaningful relationships with Himself and with others.

Unmerited Pain

Isolation begins with unmerited pain. You got hurt. You didn’t deserve it, didn’t ask for it, and it isn’t your fault. Your spouse had an affair. You lost your job. Maybe your family got into a big fight. You were going along, doing what you were supposed to do, bothering nobody. Wham!

Out of the blue, all you got for your efforts was pain. Unmerited, undeserved, unwarranted pain.

Unbalanced Inward Persuasion

Once you’re in pain, you begin to talk to yourself, in your mind. Pain allows your hurt feelings to lead you into making unhealthy decisions. You persuade yourself you’re the innocent victim.

You start counseling yourself, blowing things out of proportion, and eventually lying to yourself about the situation, the person who hurt you, and the isolation you’re using in reaction to the pain.

The persuasive techniques you use are unbalanced because you aren’t seeking balanced input from others. You aren’t hearing another side of the matter; you’re focusing only on your thoughts, feelings, and responses to the situation. That leads straight to beliefs that are in direct contrast to what the Bible says.

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